Single Living Archives - Page 4 of 4

A Single Woman’s New Year’s Eve

Say what you will about Valentine’s Day; New Year’s Eve is the true couple’s night. So how can you be happy when you’re spending the night alone?

New Year’s Eve in Pop Culture

Quick – name a New Year’s movie where the couple doesn’t get together at the end. For that matter, name a single New Year’s movie without a happy couple in it at all.

Come up with anything? (Actually, if you did, please let me know in the comments. I want to watch it!)

My point is, ringing in the New Year has become a quintessential couple’s activity. It’s seen in every New Year’s movie, implied in every song, and wrapped up in every tradition. If you’re not kissing your beau when the ball drops, you’re at least supposed to be wishing you were.

Despite personally being in a long term, living-apart-together relationship, my significant other and I have never spent a New Year’s Eve together. Even so, spending this night alone isn’t something I feel sad about. And it never was. I never look for a New Year’s party to attend. In fact, after attending one with a friend, I now politely decline any invitations. The personal belief I’ve come to is this: If you’re looking for truly meaningful night, spend New Year’s Eve alone.

My Single New Year’s Eve

For me, New Year’s Eve is less a time for loud celebration than it is a chance to be still and reflect upon the passing year.

Over the years, I’ve developed a few rituals that help me make the most out of this special night. In contrast to the loud and bubbly party in Times Square, I like my New Year’s to be more subdued. I shut off the lights, light a candle or two, and do the following:

1. I create a playlist.

Every year I create a New Year’s playlist. This collection usually features a lot of quiet, somber songs. Some are straight up tear-jerkers. Now I know I just said that being alone on New Year’s doesn’t have to be sad, but I think some sincere reflection is bound to be tinged with sadness. And as we all learned from Pixar’s Inside Out, sadness doesn’t have to be a negative thing. After a long, hard year, a quasi-mournful playlist is beautifully cathartic.

The thing is, the emotional ache my playlist inspires doesn’t originate from feelings of loneliness or inadequacy. It comes from a deep realization that we are beings that exist in a temporal world, in which we can only travel forward. It comes from a profound (but not frightened) understanding that we are mortal. From the much-needed release of every negative thing that happened over the past year.

(For those of you saying, “Wait, wasn’t this supposed to be a guide on how to have a happy, solo New Year’s Eve?” don’t worry. Step one was simply saying goodbye to the old. And goodbyes are always a little bit sad.)

2. I watch a movie.

What better way to stay up late than with a classic movie? Films like It’s A Wonderful Life help me say goodbye to all things past, and to look toward the future with optimism. Others would include Interstellar, The Shawshank Redemption, Wristcutters: A Love Story, and Monsters (2010), to name a few.

These are movies that take me through a range of emotion, but that end on an uplifting – even inspiring – note.

3. I lay plans for the future.

If the old year has been rough, it can be difficult to look forward to the new. That’s why I watch an inspiring movie after listening to my sad playlist. But the best way to get genuinely excited for what this new future holds is to create a plan for it.

Obviously you can’t map out every little detail of your life, but I’m continually amazed by the power of having a plan. I start by asking myself what I want to achieve in the upcoming year, and then writing down the answers. I can’t stress this enough: write it all down.

HomeSpunSeasonalLiving has an excellent guide to creating New Year’s goals. Check it out!

Why Does This Work for Me?

Everyone has their own thing. My New Year’s practice might not float your boat. But I prefer it to the loud, noisy, social party we’re told to go enjoy.

New Year’s Eve is the perfect time for some low-key meditation and conscious reflection of the past year. Candles glowing, playlist playing, and scenes from a hope-filled movie in my head, I allow myself to feel all that the past year has brought, and all that I hope for the New Year.

I practiced this tradition when I lived with roommates, and still do now that I live alone. If I ever live with someone again, I believe I’ll still spend my New Year’s Eves alone. Reflection of this nature needs to be done in solitude. The bright distractions are fine, but nothing quite ties up the loose threads of the old year, and welcomes the potential of the new like thoughtful solitude.

If you’d like to receive more helpful resources for your single & childfree life, join the American Spinster mailing list:

Email address:

Singleness and Spirituality: Why Does Religion Encourage Solitude?

Why do so many religions encourage celibacy as an aid for attaining spiritual enlightenment?

An Overview of Singleness and Celibacy in Religion

Before we tackle that question, let’s take a quick glance at celibacy and the unmarried status in some of the world’s major religions.

The ancient religions of Judaism and Islam discourage total celibacy.
Hindu monks and nuns are single and celibate, but priests may marry.
Catholicism requires monks and nuns, as well as most clergy to be single and celibate.
Though it varies in modern day, traditional Buddhism requires monks and nuns to be single and celibate.

Though many Protestant Christian sects encourage traditional (and often large) families among clergy, the religion’s foundational texts appreciate singleness and celibacy. The Apostle Paul openly says he wishes all to be single like him, and only accepts marriage as an alternative to unchecked lust.

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

1 Corinthians, 7:1-2

So why do so many religions, both originally and in modern day, encourage this single/celibate lifestyle among their monks, nuns, and even clergy?

Spiritual Awakening vs. Religious Practice and Beliefs

At this point, it’s important to talk about the difference between people who are followers of a particular religion and those who are trying to attain spiritual enlightenment through that religion. Monks and nuns of various religions devote themselves to a deeper, more meaningful understanding of their higher power than lay people following their same religion.

With few exceptions (the Shakers, for example), religions don’t typically require that level of devotion from all members. That’s why one can be a practicing Buddhist or Catholic without being single and celibate. So with that knowledge we can ask, how do singleness and celibacy contribute to a more profound connection to the divine?

Maybe we should start by looking at how romantic/sexual relationships can detract from that connection.

The Psychological and Emotional Drain of Relationships

There’s no doubt about it: being in a relationship takes a lot of mental and emotional energy. Myiam Batik stated in a Youtube video that one of the reasons she personally couldn’t imagine being in an open relationship was that a relationship with just one partner takes an incredible amount effort.

“I get exhausted dating one person and trying to carve out times for my kids’ needs and my own self care. How does adding another person get managed?”

– Mayim Bialik

(see also Myiam’s follow-up video: I Was Wrong About Open Relationships)

The Dalai Lama has also referenced the psychological labor involved in relationships. When asked if he ever felt tempted, he replied, “Oh yes, sometimes [I] see people. But then [I’m] thinking, it’s a real job. Too much problem.”

If one is in a happy relationship, the benefits may outweigh the high emotional cost. But for one seeking a spiritual awakening, diverting so much energy can make progress slow.

Distraction

Beyond the emotional stamina required, having a partner simply takes a lot of time out of one’s day. And often, one’s partner is going to take precedence over one’s spiritual growth.

Imagine trying to have a deep conversation with a friend when a child continually interrupts you. You have to turn your attention away from your friend each time and tend to the needs of the child. This constant distraction makes having any lengthy or meaningful interaction with your friend impossible. That’s what it’s like trying to attain a state of deep connection with your higher power when you’re in a relationship with another person. If that other person is your priority, it’s fine. But if your goal is to achieve enlightenment, that’s going to hold you back.

Singleness, Solitude, and Spiritual Freedom

Considering all this, the relationship between singleness (and/or celibacy) and spirituality is clear. Monks, nuns, and others seeking spiritual enlightenment avoid romantic relationships because they’re draining and distracting. This is also why monasteries often include hermitages, and monks’ cells are solitary.

So, to answer the question we started with, why do so many religions encourage celibacy as an aid for attaining spiritual enlightenment? Because pure, genuine solitude allows the spiritual student to focus all of their energy on their connection to the divine.

The crossroads of singleness, celibacy, and spirituality provide so much more material for discussion. This one blog post has only scratched the surface. Are you interested in further discussion on this topic? Let me know in the comments.

If you’d like to receive more helpful resources for your single & childfree life, join the American Spinster mailing list:

Email address:

Why You Should Plan on Staying Single

If some all-knowing seer told you with certainty that you would be single for the rest of your life, how would you style that future?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfi1i9Q4ZnQ&t=

How Will You Spend Your Single Future?

Imagine how freeing this knowledge would be. It would put you in total control of your destiny; you wouldn’t wait or plan your future around anyone else. Never again would you pause in some flight of excitement to think, “well, but how will this affect my chances of getting married?” or “but I couldn’t do that if I had a family, could I?” Because it wouldn’t matter.

If you knew you would stay single, would you…

Start on the career of your dreams?
Buy the house you’ve fantasized about?
Make clearer plans for your future?
Travel?
Start designing an inspiring solo life?

An Unclear Future is a Tether

So many women live their lives in a state of suspended animation while waiting for a spouse. They don’t want to make any decisions that might close the door on the knight in shining armor, or make any major life changes that the future mystery lover might not like.

This sort of ‘planning’ is foolish. Crafting a tentative future around a shadowed, mystery future does nothing to help that future materialize. All it does is keep your life on pause.

The Benefits of Planning on Spinsterhood

What’s the better option? Instead of juggling a handful of possible futures (“Will I get married? Will I have children? Will I work? Will I be a stay-at-home mom?”), just plan your life around your dear old self. The only aspect of your future that’s certain is that you will be there.

Planning your future around the assumption you’ll stay single isn’t giving up. It’s taking control. Planning for spinsterhood means planning a life that works for you.

Stefanie O’Connell makes a compelling case for planning your financial future as a single woman. Her argument is that the future is uncertain, so you’ve simply got to plan to care for yourself. A lot of the same reasoning applies here. If you plan for a single future, you plan for self-sufficiency. This type of self reliance will not only keep you covered if you do remain single, but it will keep you from ‘settling’ in desperation.

Planning on Spinsterhood =/= Taking a Vow of Spinsterhood

If you’re not convinced, consider this: planning on a solo life does absolutely nothing to prevent you from getting married later on. Being emotionally and financially set as a single woman won’t inhibit you from finding a partner. But being dependent will limit your choices.

And, after all, what do you find more attractive? Someone living an indeterminate life, or someone out in the world living their dream? Whose life would you want to merge with?

In the end, you are the hero of your story. You’ve got to make the decisions that will shape your life.

If you’d like to receive more helpful resources for your single & childfree life, join the American Spinster mailing list:

Email address:

5 Steps to Creating Your Solo Bedroom

The solo woman’s bedroom is different from the coupled woman’s, or the would-be coupled woman’s for that matter. If you’re a footloose and fancy-free woman, here are five great tips to create your very own single woman’s bedroom.

What Makes a Single Woman’s Bedroom Different?

The goal of any bedroom is to facilitate a peaceful night’s sleep for the occupant or occupants. It’s also a place to rest and re-orient oneself. To a couple who shares a room, creating an ideal bedroom has to incorporate both of their needs in a way that doesn’t detract from either side. For the single woman… it’s all about you.

Step 1: Start sleeping in the middle of the bed.

Got stuff piled on one side of the bed? Move it. Today. That bed is for you, not your stuff. Even if you prefer to sleep near the edge, I promise, sleeping in a wide open bed is more comfortable than cramping yourself needlessly.

It’s also important psychologically. The influence of Feng Shui advises singles who are looking to meet their next partner to arrange everything as though another person were already sleeping there. That means keeping one side of the bed clear for your future lover. This is simply to get your mind (conscious and subconscious) oriented toward finding that person.

But for the happily single woman, you need to arrange everything for one, and for the same reason. If you want to love living alone, sleep like you do.

Step 2: Tailor your room to fit your needs.

This sounds obvious, but it’s easy to overlook. Most of the bedrooms we see in catalogs and on Pinterest are designed either to accommodate the needs of couples, or singles in a dorm room (i.e. temporary) style. Your grown-up, solo bedroom is neither.

What to avoid:

A couple’s bedroom needs to comfortably accommodate two people with different needs, while still looking cohesive. This is why you have “his and hers” night stands, a clear path to each side of the bed, and lots of empty space for ease of movement.
A dorm-style room is the type of place in which the bed also functions as a dining room table, office desk, living room sofa, and – of course – a place to sleep. The overall style could be called ‘eclectic,’ as if the owner was trying to cram a house’s worth of design elements into a single room.

While the dorm style may appeal to one’s wild and adventurous nature (with everything ready to pack up and go at a moment’s notice), your solo life needs a more substantial rest zone. The good news is you can still get that boho-chic feel in a grown-up bedroom, and without the restless, transient vibes. You can also achieve all the posh, photo shoot style that couples rooms have in a room for one. I promise.

So how do you make your solo bedroom fit your needs? Say goodbye to everything that’s aimed at a “his and hers” style. You don’t need two night side tables. This room is YOURS. You need a comfortable bed (that functions only as a bed), and a welcoming layout for one. It should be visually clear that one person sleeps here in all her queenly glory.

Step 3: Give your room a cohesive style.

As I said earlier, this isn’t your dorm room. Pick a theme or décor style and commit to it just as you would if you were designing your marriage suite or a nursery. Otherwise you’ll end up cheating yourself out of a magazine-worthy solo bedroom.

If you’re the type of person who loves looking at kids’ room themes on Pinterest, start looking for themes that you’d like for your room. And if what you really want is a Where The Wild Things Are bedroom theme, do it. You’re a grown up, and no one is the boss of you now. You can have whatever kind of bedroom you desire.

On the other hand, if what you want is a decadent, romantic theme, go for it. You don’t need a lover or a baby as an excuse to paint your room the way you like.

Step 4: Make it an oasis.

Remember that a bedroom is for sleeping and relaxing. Unless you’re in a studio apartment (in which case you should still have your bedroom separated somehow from the rest of your living/working space), you should leave everything work-related in another room. It’s easy for us singles to become lazy about this, because no one is going to catch us sitting on the bed with the laptop, snack in hand. But one of the key elements of a happily single woman’s bedroom is that you give it just as much respect as the couple’s room or nursery.

Step 5: Keep it clean.

I don’t mean to sound like your mother; this is genuinely important. It’s difficult to relax when surrounded by clutter. You’re also less likely to show off your room when there’s a pile of laundry at the foot of the bed. You want to be proud of your room when you have others over, and be calm in it when you’re alone. So before you clean the living room for company, clean the room that’s devoted to you. You deserve that level of respect, and your room deserves that kind of love.

Want to download the free checklist with all of these steps?

Have you re-created your bedroom to suit your solo tastes? Let me know in the comments how it went, or tell me if it’s something you plan to do!

How to Enjoy Eating Alone

For women who live alone (especially those who work from home or don’t care much for cooking), meal times can be neglected or non-existent. If eating solo starts to feel lonesome, or if eating itself has turned into something of a necessary evil, this post is for you.

So how can you enjoy eating alone?

Take Your Time

First and foremost, set aside a few moments to eat. I’m definitely guilty of balancing a microwaved meal at my computer, but this is not the time to multi-task. If you eat while distracted, you don’t notice the taste and texture of your food the way you can when you’re focused on it. That means you enjoy it less (which can lead to eating more). Beyond that, it also contributes to unnecessary weight gain. Eating only needs to take ten minutes out of your day, so give your health the time it deserves.

Eat Something Tasty

It’s difficult to enjoy any meal, especially a solitary one, when you don’t like the food. Part of self care is eating food that both you and your body love, so make sure whatever you grab is something delicious. If you’re not sure how to fit a scrumptious meal for one into your day, check out How to Enjoy Cooking for One.

Presentation is Everything

One of the reasons meals eaten around a dinner table so enjoyable is because the food is well-presented. As I mentioned earlier, I’m definitely guilty of eating right out of the freezer tray, but it’s important to take the time to pop it on a plate.

How to Enjoy Eating Alone — Looks much more appetizing here than a microwave-safe container.

Clear Out the Clutter

While you’re at it, try to make sure you’re eating in a pleasant area. If you can barely fit your food in between towers of books and unopened mail on the kitchen table, that’s not exactly an upscale atmosphere. Whether you’re sitting at a dining room table or a comfy couch, make sure you’re eating in a peaceful environment.

Listen to Music

I know I just got done telling you to cut out the distractions, but music can be an exception. If you’re the type to get restless and antsy without anything to occupy your mind, some background music usually helps. Just turn on a favorite song to help keep your mind from wandering away from your meal.

Putting it All Together

Each of these small changes will only add a few minutes to your day, but the results will be amazing! Pausing to eat a delicious, well-presented meal in a distraction-free environment will do wonders for your mental and physical states. Moreover, what was once a dull or rushed 5 minute meal can become one of the most enjoyable parts of your day.

Have you tried implementing these changes? Let us know in the comments below how it worked for you.

Want to see more great tips about cooking for one? Follow my Pinterest board:

How to Enjoy Cooking for One

Whether you love to cook or you’ve never even used your stove top, cooking for one can be a challenge. This guide will show you can you can enjoy cooking for one no matter what your dining preferences are.

If you really enjoy preparing a good meal, you may be annoyed by how difficult it is to scale your dinner down to prevent a ton of waste, or it can even leave you with a lonely feeling to do all that work for a single plate.

If you (like me) like to grab something fast and simple, you’ve probably already realized that you’re either going to be eating a lot of super-processed food or spending a small fortune on healthy individual meals.

Fortunately, there are several ways you can make cooking for yourself an enjoyable experience.

Be Prepared

Meal planning is key to having a pleasant single dining experience. Take one or two days a week (preferably a day when you don’t have to work) and make your meals for the week. If you’re an amateur chef, you can make these as elaborate as you like without worrying about wasting extra ingredients. And if you want to do the bare minimum amount of prep work, there are a multitude of quick and easy freezer recipes (see below) to help you out.

How to Cook and Package Single Serving Freezer meals from Once A Month Meals

11 Easy Single-Serve Dinner Recipes from PureWow

Prepare What You Love

One of the very best things about being single is that you get to make all of your own decisions, and that includes eating whatever you want. Don’t settle for the perfectly portioned meal of acceptable nutritional value you found in the “meals for singles” section at Target. If what you really want is a tomato mozzarella panini, toast one up and enjoy! If you like it, there’s a single-serving or meal-prep recipe out there for it.

Wrap It Up Nice

Nothing sours a delicious defrosted meal like the dull aftertaste of freezer burn. Safeguard your hard work by keeping your meals in refrigerator- and freezer-safe containers. Make sure they’re microwave and dishwasher safe so reheating and cleanup are a breeze.

Just following these simple steps can take your cooking experience from annoying-at-best to absolutely appetizing. And if you’d like to follow up an positive cooking experience with a positive dining experience, check out How to Enjoy Eating Alone.

Want to see single cooking tips in your Pinterest feed? Follow my Cooking for One board:

10 Things Every Single Woman Should Do

Shh, don’t spill the beans, but single women are actually, secretly, living the life.

Well, not all of us. Some of us are married women deep down who just haven’t found their husbands (or properly wrangled their boyfriends). That segment of the single population is trying to live the married life in a single status, and that’s usually a recipe for unhappiness. But for all of the intentionally single women, life can be amazing.

So if you’re a single lady and you aren’t enjoying yourself, it’s time to start really living the single life. How? I’m glad you asked.

1. Adopt a pet.

No, it doesn’t have to be a cat (but really, why wouldn’t you want a cat?). Rescuing a pet from a shelter is an incredibly rewarding experience. Yes, they’re messy, costly, and time-consuming, but the cost-benefit ratio is generally pretty high. You may not want a hoard of screaming kids or a nagging spouse, but it can be nice to come home to a warm, furry critter who wants nothing more from life than a bowl of food and a tummy rub.

2. Keep your home (relatively) clean.

This isn’t to please your mother or impress your neighbors, it’s to keep your home an enjoyable place to be. When you live by yourself, you reign in your own castle. Piles of dirty dishes and unfolded laundry kind of diminish that. Make your home a sanctuary by keeping it as pristine as possible.

3. Play music you enjoy.

You want to know one of the best things about living alone? You can listen to whatever you want, whenever you want (as long as it’s not loud enough to annoy the neighbors). Remember what I said about your home being your castle? Strike up the chamber orchestra as you do your daily chores. You’ll be amazed at home much more comforting your home becomes.

4. Eat your favorite foods.

I knew a woman once who lived by herself, but still felt compelled to eat the traditional breakfast and dinner foods she was raised with, even though she didn’t really like them. Why? It wasn’t an issue of money or nutrition, she simply felt like she was supposed to.

Don’t let that be you. You are your own boss when it comes to meals, so eat whatever you want (as long as it won’t send you to an early grave).

5. Drink your favorite drinks.

This includes wine all by your lonesome or Mondo Blast Chillers if that’s your thing. Nothing is ‘for kids’ or only for certain social occasions. So what if your roommate thinks it’s strange? You don’t have to work around anyone else’s tastes, so just work with your own. While you’re at it, drink right from the carton. Because you can.

6. Respect your time.

If you don’t respect your own time, no one else will. So if your boss tries to tell you that you can work late, “Because it’s not like you have anyone waiting for you,” tell them that you had plans anyway. (Unless you want to work late and get that extra pay – that’s up to you.) Contrary to popular belief, being single doesn’t mean you’re available for everyone else’s convenience.

7. Decorate your home

This goes back again to your home being your castle. If there’s one thing single, childfree women do that gets on my nerves, it’s staring longingly at Pinterest, gazing at nurseries, playrooms, or even kitchens and thinking, “If only I could do that.”

Hello? You can. If you live alone, you don’t even need to get anyone’s permission. If you like the toy display, dig out your old stuffed animals and make the toy display. If you like the 50s kitchen theme, do it. It’s not actually 1950, so you don’t need to cook for a husband to have a nice kitchen.

8. Have a hobby.

I’m all in favor of getting home and turning on Netflix, but without the familial responsibilities that married women and moms have, it’s easy to spend the entire night wrapped up in a Dr. Who marathon. Use some of that extra time to work on a new skill or craft. Take up an instrument. Start a garden. Give yourself more variety on your after-work hours, and you’ll probably enjoy life a lot more.

9. Volunteer.

Not to sound preachy, but we single women should be putting some of that free time toward improving the lives of others. You’ve already done well by not popping out more babies, but the babies irresponsible parents already dropped off still need help. Consider sharing your time with a disadvantaged girl through Big Brothers Big Sisters, or doing something less long-term like volunteering at a soup kitchen. Truth be told, we have the time that moms and married women don’t, as well as a social obligation to contribute.

10. Date only if you feel like it.

And finally, one of the most important things for a single women to do is to only date if she wants to. If you do want to go out, great! It’s not too difficult to have some enjoyable relationships once you say, “I’m not looking to get married,” so have fun. But if that’s not what you’re looking for, don’t let anyone pressure you into it. You’re single because you want to be, and if anyone thinks you’re lying or tries to hook you up, just thank them for the effort and carry on.

Like this article? Share it with your friends!

Want more amazing resources for your single & childfree life? Join the American Spinster mailing list:

Email address:

Save

The Single, Introverted Woman

Why drinking alone is perfectly fine.

We all know the sad image of the lone woman arriving home to an empty house after work. She pets her cat(s), microwaves a meal, and spends the rest of the evening watching TV all by her poor, lonely self. She has dozens of take out menus, no friends’ numbers on speed dial, and the only person she talks to regularly is her mother (who, incidentally, wants to know when she’s going to get married and have kids). Poor, sad woman.

With no reason to exist, the Single Woman spends most of her free time sleeping in the trappings of her loneliness. — With no reason to exist, the Single Woman spends most of her free time sleeping atop piles of her own loneliness.

The only thing sadder is when the deluded soul thinks she’s actually happy. How she needs someone to show up in her life who’ll show her that there’s more to living than just being alive.

And on, and on.

Lacking any real companionship, the Single Woman's only friend is streaming TV. — Lacking any real companionship, the Single Woman’s only friend is streaming TV.

The only real problem with this image is that for some women, that’s exactly what an ideal life looks like. The introverted woman doesn’t secretly crave society. Secretly, she’s delighted to come home to a blissfully empty house, her favorite food, and her favorite show. She’s had to tolerate loud, complaining people all day long, and doesn’t want to muster the energy to go out drinking.

The Single Woman cannot take part in social dining, so she subsists on takeout food, which she hurriedly snatches from the delivery driver.

The friends who nag her to come out with them have her best interests at heart, but they just don’t understand that relaxing and social interaction are completely antithetical to her. While they’re bored and saddened by silence, she’s renewed by it. While they’re energized by a night at the club, it drains her to her core.

How the Single Woman longs for her coworkers to force her into boisterous social gatherings. How deeply she desires a mate.

So where did this image of the sad, lonely woman come from? Why is it that a solitary woman sipping wine in front of Netflix is a pathetic sight? Did extroverts invent it? Is it a by-product of the patriarchy?

Well, probably a little of both. When we grow up with the idea that being popular and in a good marriage are the best ways to be happy, anyone not in those situations is bound to be seen by most as unhappy. And most people don’t like to see others unhappy.

See how the Single Woman puts on a brave facade, trying to convince herself that she is happy with her self-determined life, that she does not require another to complete her existence.

But here’s the thing. We’re not unhappy. We love our own company. We love creating in solitude, and we love the few, close friendships we have. And – truth be told – we love our cats. For some, living (and drinking) alone isn’t a wretched existence we pretend to enjoy to avoid pity. It’s an ideal existence that we genuinely delight in. And in all likelihood we wouldn’t enjoy being married with kids. That would be the wretched existence we’d have to pretend to enjoy to avoid public scorn.

So don’t pity the single, introverted woman. Just say hello in a passing text message, then leave her to enjoy her day.

Really, though. Don't try to drag us to the club. We're fine. — Really, though. Don’t try to drag us to the club. We’re fine.

Save

The Financial Book List for Single, Childfree Women

As a single woman, you’ve got to plan for your own financial future. This book list is a great place to start.

The Financial Needs of Single, Childfree Women

As I was preparing this financial how-to series, I came across a number of books about women and finances. And you know what I noticed? Not surprisingly, there aren’t many guides for single, childfree women. I found plenty of books about how to merge one’s finances after marriage. There were even more guides for the married woman looking to earn her own income. And bookstores’ shelves are bowing under the weight of the volumes of books devoted to the single mother’s finances.

But for the single or childfree? Close to nothing.

Despite that fact that we’re a rapidly increasing demographic, many publishers don’t seem eager to jump in and fill the void. Perhaps they, like a lot of married-with-children adults, seem to think we single/childfree women have tons of cash lying around, so financial advice isn’t a vital topic. While it’s true the childfree woman doesn’t devote her income to children, that doesn’t mean her finances are simple. Living solo is itself a huge expense, and navigating the murky waters of retirement is a difficult task for anyone.

Spinsters need to manage their money just like anyone else. But books about taking advantage of the tax benefits that come with marriage and dependents don’t help us. We need sound financial information about planning for retirement after a solo career. We need advice about investing on our own. And we could really, really use a few tips on paying a mortgage on a single income.

The good news is, I did find a few helpful guides for the independent woman…

The Financial Book List for Spinsters

On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Personal Finance by Manisha Thakor
If you’re wondering how modern this book can be when it refers to women as girls… I’d just say that titles need to grab attention to sell books. This book simply offers practical advice aimed at single women. I like it because it’s straightforward and honest, backed up by studies and statistics.

Single Women And Finances: A Woman’s Secret Diary To Saving, Budgeting, and Retirement by J. J. Jones
Unlike a lot of “For Women” financial books that are filled with over-simplified, generic advice, this is truly crafted for single women. It examines the financial pros and cons of singlehood and relates the advice in the book directly to those issues.

The Single Woman’s Guide to Retirement by Jane Cullinane
Retirement may seem far away to some, but for most spinsters, the time to start planning for it was yesterday. This book is written very specifically for the single audience, including statistics on single women and how they (tend to) spend and save. It’s a comprehensive look at the multi-faceted relationships between money, lifestyle, psychology, and culture.

Suddenly Single: Money Skills for Divorcees and Widows by Kerry Hannon
This book teaches financial management for women who have recently become single through the lose of a spouse. It approaches the topic with the assumption that many divorced women and widows were not solely in charge of their finances, and offers advice on taking the reins when they’re abruptly dropped into their hands.

Save

You Don’t Need What You’re Waiting For

If there’s one great secret wonder of being a spinster, it’s this:

You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. And I’m not just talking about sex on the kitchen floor.

Most of my friends talk about what they would do if they had a child, or if they had a girl, or if they had a game room, of if they had a wedding. You know how it goes.

“Oh! If I had a little girl, I could buy her that.”

“When I get pregnant, I have so many ideas for a nursery.”

“My dream wedding board has 300 pins… one day I’ll be able to make them all happen.”

Ladies (and gentlemen), you can wait if you want to, but you don’t have to. That’s right, folks. Open up that Pinterest board and get to work.

How Is That Supposed to Work?

What’s that? But you have no baby or soon-to-be husband? My dear friend, you’ve bought into one of the silliest myths of our human culture. Here is the truth:

You don’t need the excuses you’ve been waiting for. You have been laboring under the delusion that you need to

find the right husband/partner/sperm donor
give birth
donate the next 18-26 years of your life to feeding, clothing, and raising another human being

just to decorate the spare bedroom in a Where The Wild Things Are theme. These beliefs are false, and the truth shall surely set you free.

Go. Go and re-make your bedroom in a Where The Wild Things Are theme. I know you saw that nursery online and thought it was the coolest thing ever. I give you permission to give that bedroom to yourself. You deserve it. If it’s the bedroom you wish you’d had as a kid, give it to yourself now. Because here’s another secret truth: Your one-day kid might not love what you love. And you can only force them to wear the clothes you pick out and sleep in the room you designed for so long. Murphy’s law clearly states that any woman who spends years longing for a baby girl so she can buy her pretty dresses, will undoubtedly give birth to a tom boy who would rather have her teeth cleaned than put on a skirt. So just give what you love to yourself. You are allowed.

No, Seriously. How Is This Really Going to Work?

But what about my dream wedding? you say. Are you telling me to rent a venue, buy a gown, do the decorations, invitations, and walk down the aisle by myself?

Not exactly, but close. I know how it is. You love that Enchanted Forest wedding theme. There are so many great ideas you have for it. The decor, the food, the lighting It’s going to be amazing.

But here are a few things to consider.

Most women say they remember very little about their wedding day.
You are going to be so stressed out that day.
Oh, and you aren’t getting married any time soon.

Abandon your visions of dancing through the day with your heart full of love, surrounded by your dearest friends, saying your loving goodbyes to girlhood and joyfully stepping into holy matrimony. The reality? Your maid of honor bought brandy sniffers instead of champagne flutes, and for no explicable reason you’re cramping, and even though you thought it would be sweet that your bff has to help you pee due to your wedding dress, it’s really just awkward and annoying. None of this would really be that bad except that it’s your wedding day, and you’ve waited years, and you only get one, so everything really needs to go absolutely perfectly.

Want to take the pressure off? Have a birthday party.

**Are You Really Serious?**

I am as serious as a Sunday morning sermon. You’re a grown up! You can finally plan your own birthday parties (or any parties). Pop that Enchanted Forest theme onto your birthday and actually enjoy it. There is no rule that states adult birthday parties have to be boring and alcohol-saturated.

And there’s no need to settle on just one. Do something different every year. Your guests will have much more fun, and you can still get presents. Heck, give yourself a gift registry at Kohl’s.

Spinsters, you can do this. Buy yourself pretty dresses, and wear them wherever the hell you want. Or, if you don’t like the attention of wearing a frilly dress to Home Depot, go have Tea in a fancy restaurant.

Let go of your excuses, and don’t pin your dreams on someone else. It’s not fair to them or you.

Stop waiting. Just go out and enjoy.

Save

If you’d like to receive more helpful resources for your single & childfree life, join the American Spinster mailing list:

Email address: