Is your “Dream Home” Pinterest board languishing while you’re stuck in a studio apartment? Are you longing for the day when you’ll finally be able to create your ideal home in a spacious single-family home?

Spinsters, I have good news. There is only one step in between where you are now and living in your solo dream home. Are you ready for it?

Your one rule is:

Don’t wait.

You read that right. Quit waiting for a better home. The one you’re in is ready and waiting to be the bachelorette pad of your dreams.

Decorate. Show off your possessions. It doesn’t matter if you only have a six-month lease. This is your home we’re talking about. Live there. It may seem like really simple advice, but it makes all the difference, and so few people seem to do it. They move their furniture in, maybe hang up a single poster, but that’s it.

Single women waste years of their lives looking at blank walls because they feel like they need to wait for a ‘real’ house before they fall in love with their space. Don’t wish away the space you’re in – make it count. If you’ve got a one-room apartment, make it the most happening, chic loft in town.

But my landlord is really strict!

If you’re afraid of losing your security deposit or violating the terms of your lease, relax. There are plenty of ways for renters to safely add their own style to their home. For instance:

• Buy wall stickers (they’re often available at the dollar store).
• Frame and hang some pictures.
• Go to Habitat for Humanity and find some cheap, good-looking furniture.
• Put up curtains. Make them, or buy them from the thrift store. Nothing improves the look of a room faster.

Just. Don’t. Wait.

The important thing is that you don’t wait. Don’t wait for your next apartment, or your first house. You have your very own space, and that’s a true gift. Use it. Make your home somewhere you want to be. Go through your Pinterest “Dream House” board and put some of those ideas into action. Whatever you do, just don’t put it off. Six months turns into a year, and a year turns into five before you realize it. Don’t waste a single week living in what might as well be a hospital room.

Your home doesn’t need to look like a Pottery Barn catalog, it just needs to welcome you. You have permission to create your solo dream home now. You’re an adult, living in your own space. Make it your home.

Are you ready to get started on your solo dream home?

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I’ve written peripherally about this before, but today I want to devote an entire post to this novel idea. So here it is: You should enjoy your home.

Groundbreaking, isn’t it?

I know it’s not a new idea, but it’s something that people say they do, or want to do, and never actually do. Unless you’ve already paid off your mortgage or bought your home outright, you’re paying probably a large portion of your income to live in your home, and you’re probably not getting your money’s worth. Even if you’re not paying much for the roof over your head, it’s still your respite from the world. It should be a place you absolutely love to be.

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Part I: Defining a Happy Home

There are three things you should be able to say about your living space.

1. Your home should be comfortable.

You have a workplace (unless you work from/at home) in which to be uncomfortable. Even if it’s not obvious, stepping into an uncomfortable home environment can really sap the life out of you. This needs to be a welcoming place.

2. It should be restful.

There’s nothing wrong with having a game room (sounds pretty good, actually), but there should be a place in your home where you can relax, whatever relaxing means for you.

3. It should be private.

Sometimes there’s not much you can do about this if you have roommates, but your home should be a place where you can be alone if you want to. That means you have control over the boundaries; no one can show up and enter your home if you don’t want them to.

So how do you get this?

Part II: Creating a Happy Home

How do you create a comfortable, restful, private living environment?

Keep it clean

When I say this, I mean whatever “clean” means to you. If you’re comfortable with a bit of clutter, fine. If you need every last corner to be truly spotless, okay. Mess makes people uncomfortable, so it’s important to keep your home at the level of cleanliness that works for you. I don’t mind visible stacks of papers or collectibles lining the walls of my home. But my stress level rises, however slightly, when dishes pile up or the floor isn’t clear and vacuumed. Determine what your comfort level of cleanliness is, and make time to keep your home at that level.

Keep it energizing.

Again, this can mean very different things for different people. For me, I like quiet. Loud music, background TV, or a howling cat take away from my peace. You might like a more active environment, spending time on the Wii, having friends over, or turning up the volume on a favorite album. Whatever re-energizes you after a long day.

Maintain your boundaries

As I mentioned earlier, this can be difficult when you have roommates, but even then it shouldn’t be impossible to have some control over the comings and goings in your home.

Without Roommates:

If you’re the only inhabitant, this might mean learning to say “no,” which is not an easy task. From our earliest time as humans, our dwellings have been to keep us safe from the outside world, whether from the elements or predators. Today, it might not be a raging tiger after your life, but a raging human being after your peace of mind. You have the right to tell someone that now is not a good time. In fact, you have the right to tell anyone not to come around ever again.

Most of the time, however, this just involves saying, “I’ve got a lot of work to do here at home tonight. How about another time?” And that’s not a lie. Your work happens to be letting yourself get some rest, which is vital to your well-being.

With Roommates:

If you have roommates, offer them a mutually-beneficial agreement regarding guests. This might be that no one has guests over without first telling/asking the other housemate(s). Or it might mean you set up visiting hours. From 5-8 each day, you know you might have other people in your home, but after that, they have to leave. Most people will understand that roommates work different hours, and will respect this arrangement.

At The End of the Day

One of the best parts about being single is having total control over your own space, however big or small it is. The steps listed in this post will help you establish your home. If you want to learn how to transform your current residence into your dream home, see Part II here.

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American Spinster How-To: Feeling Safe At Home

Since the previous blogs covered finding an apartment, home safety seemed like the next best logical step.

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about feeling unsafe when they’re at home alone. This is rarely a problem for me, but the first few nights in a new place are always the exception. Still, I don’t lose any sleep. Why not? I know I’m as safe as I can be. The best way to feel safe when you live alone, is to be safe.

Doors

If you live in an apartment or rental house, you probably aren’t allowed to change the locks, but you can still make sure that those who have a key can’t enter without your permission. Products such as a door brace are 100% temporary ways to prevent anyone from getting inside, with or without a key.

Why do you need to prevent key holders from getting inside? I’m not paranoid when I say you can’t depend on your apartment managers to do a good job screening their employees. When you live alone, your safety is in your hands. An unscrupulous maintenance person can easily make copies of keys to use for unlawful purposes, so it’s always better to be safe.

Aside from intentional malice, some maintenance workers just won’t respect your privacy that much. I’ve once had someone just unlock and open the door to my apartment, ironically to drop off a replacement key. He meant no harm, but I was very taken aback, especially since I wasn’t dressed.

If you are living someplace where you can make permanent modifications, consider getting a door club or bar restraint.
Windows and Back Door

Again, if you’re renting, permanent security measures may not be an option, and even if they are, iron bars aren’t the most attractive window treatment. A simple security bar will prevent anyone from opening a sliding window or glass door.

 

Other Measures

• Keep your phone by your bed, in case you need to call for help
• Lock your doors whenever you go out, even if it’s only for a few minutes.
• Do a quick check whenever you return home, to make sure no security measures are out of place

When you know you’re safe, you’ll feel safe. For the first few nights in your new place, it may help to check the closets, behind the shower curtain, and other areas before bed. So what if you feel silly? You owe yourself a sound night’s sleep.

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