Category: Single Living

We already know that being childfree is the single most effective way to reduce your carbon footprint. But what about being single? Isn’t living alone wasteful? Well, unless you’re living in a Tiny House fueled entirely by renewable energy, yes. Living alone is inherently more wasteful than shared living.

Why? It’s because we singles tend to

• consume more wasteful food products
• use more energy per individual (compared to those who share utilities)
• (possibly) drive alone more often
• throw away more food

But there’s good news. If you love your solo life, there are plenty of ways you can reduce your carbon footprint even further and make your solo home eco friendly.

{If you like the ideas in this post, make sure you download the FREE checklist at the end!}

Recycle

In my area, it’s almost impossible to find an apartment complex that offers recycling. Even if you live somewhere that doesn’t offer a recycling service, recycle anyway. It’s a pain (especially when you realize just how quickly a single person can accumulate a trunk’s worth of recyclables), but it’s worth it. Some places will even pay you a small amount for your aluminum cans, which offsets some of the hassle of driving the stuff out to the recycling center yourself.

Watch your utilities

When you live alone, your water bill is going to be noticeably lower than when you live with others. The same may be true for your energy bill as well. But don’t forget that just because it’s not costing you a lot of money, doesn’t mean you’re not wasting resources. Keep an eye on how much you consume, especially if your utilities are included in your rent.

Buy a space heater

Consider shutting off your central heat, especially if you live in a single-family house. Since you’ll only be in one room at a time, heating your entire house isn’t just inefficient, it’s wasteful. To stay warm in the chilly months, buy an energy-efficient space heater instead.

REMEMBER – Please always follow all of your space heater’s safety instructions to the letter, and use central heating at night.

Cut down on food waste

It’s easy to waste more food when you’re living alone. Outside of freezer meals for one (which have a lot of unnecessary and wasteful packaging), food just isn’t portioned for someone living alone. Fresh fruit and veggies are especially difficult to consume before they go bad. Thankfully, My Domaine has a great guide on how to avoid food waste as a single person.

{Wouldn’t it be great to have this info in a simple checklist you can refer to later? Just keep reading…}

Compensate in other ways

Having one fewer child may be the most significant way to reduce your carbon footprint, but why stop there? If you’re worried that your solo lifestyle is wasteful, consider making one of the other most effective lifestyle changes:

• ditch solo driving
• fly less
• go vegetarian
• buy green energy

What not to worry about

Before I close this, I also want to remind you of a few things you shouldn’t be worrying over. Is living alone wasteful? Compared to sharing resources with a roommate, yes. But compared to the average American lifestyle? No. Remember that an eco-conscious solo person like you is already likely doing better than the average soccer mom, so bear that in mind next time you’re thinking about how much energy you could save if you shared your fridge space with a roomie.

The biggest false concern I hear is how we single folks aren’t getting the most energy-efficient usage of our square footage. This usually comes in the form of the old, “What will you do with all that space? A family should live here” line. And sure, taking on a roommate will reduce your carbon footprint. But simply having more air under your roof doesn’t automatically make you more wasteful.

We Americans really like to think in terms of what’s the best deal per unit of measurement. And in general that’s fine. But when it comes to getting the most value for your square footage… those numbers can get a bit skewed. For instance, if your well-meaning friend really thinks you’d be doing better by filling your extra bedroom with a baby, she overlooking a few very important factors. As far as preserving our planet’s natural resources goes, it’s much better to be a single person in a two-bedroom apartment than a family of five.

{Thank you for reading this article! Download your FREE checklist below to help you keep track of the eco-conscious changes you’re making in your solo life.}

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Has anyone ever hassled you about your “wasteful” solo lifestyle? Have you heard the “a family should live here!” line before? Share your stories in the comments below.

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So you’ve decided you like being single, but you’d also like to date. How can these two desires possibly co-exist? If you’re worried, don’t be. Dating as a solo woman is easier (and more fun) than you think.

If you’re here, you’re probably a happily single woman who wants to start dating. But how do you go about it? How do you find someone else who wants the same, atypical type of relationship you do? Living-apart-together couples are still pretty rare, and most people probably haven’t even heard the term. People who don’t have kids tend to want them, and those who have kids likely want a mother for them. What’s a decidedly solo woman to do?

The good news is, dating as a solo woman is not as difficult as you’re probably imagining. In her book, This Is The Story of a Happy Marriage, Ann Patchett remarks that a single woman who announces she wants to date but not settle down will become very popular. And I think you’ll find that’s true for you as well. A little planning, a little clarity, and a lot of honesty go a long way toward finding an ideal, solo relationship. When you implement the following strategies (and use the free, online dating profile guide available at the end of this post), you’ll probably find more than your fair share of potential partners.

1. Figure out what you want.

Are you looking for a pretty casual relationship? Do you want something with the potential for a long-term commitment, but without moving in, getting married, and buying a dog? Take at least ten minutes to sit down and write or type it out. If you’re dating online, keep that list handy when you’re crafting your profile.

2. Make your intentions known.

If you’re on a dating site, this is simple. Just include it in your profile (remember, there’s a free guide at the end of this post). If you’re starting to date someone you’ve met in real life, make sure you bring this up within the first few dates. You don’t need to bluntly say, “By the way, I don’t want to ever get married, but I do want our relationship to be monogamous and exclusive.” Let it be natural. If you’re talking about what got you back into the dating scene, say something like, “I’m really happy where I am in my life right now. I love flying solo, but I realized I also wanted to be part of a meaningful relationship.” Let that grow over the next few meetings.

Generally, people don’t want to feel like you’ve already plotted out your shared life, when they’re not even certain whether or not they want a relationship with you yet. But that information is vital to making that decision, so don’t hold it back.

3. Be clear throughout the relationship.

Remember that, no matter what your gender or stage of life, potential partners may always feel like you’re saying these things as a challenge. Quick – name a movie where the couple lives happily ever after in separate homes with separate finances. See what I mean? We’re trained to believe what everyone truly, deeply wants is a house with a white picket fence. So don’t be surprised if a few months down the road your boyfriend/girlfriend thinks you’ll be ready to change your mind.

If this happens, be clear. Don’t feel the need to “be polite” and give them a “maybe.” That’s just leading them on. If you know you want to stay solo, say so.

4. Know where you’re willing to compromise.

It may be that you’re willing to make a few compromises for The One. You may even find that you’d like to leave your solo life behind all together. If that’s what you truly want, that’s fine. But when dating as a solo woman, it’s helpful to know where you’re willing to negotiate before you start.

For instance, having a living-apart-together relationship might not be enough for your new/future partner. Would sharing a home ever be a possibility? Sharing finances? Decide what your sticking points are.

Note that as your relationship progresses, it’s completely fine if these things change. It’s simply helpful to have a baseline.

5. Have fun.

Step five could also just as easily be called, “Don’t lose sight of why you became single in the first place.” You’re a happily single woman – you date because it’s something you want to do, not because you need to find a mate. If ‘playing the dating game’ starts to make you unhappy, step back for a while. Re-focus on enjoying time with yourself. Then, when or if you feel ready, dive back in, and enjoy.

Want the FREE online dating profile guide? It’s just a click away!

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Way too many of these types of lists include things like, “when you’re single, no one is there to judge you when you eat a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s,” and, “You may cry from loneliness, but at least you know you’re not being cheated on.” So for your reading pleasure, here’s a list of seven real perks of being single.

{psst! Wish you had a free, 30-day email course that would teach you to love your single life? Keep reading…}

1. Control of Your Time

I don’t know about you, but I love having control of my time. And while I don’t resent the time I spend living on someone else’s schedule, I still prefer managing my day as I see fit.

After spending time at work, it’s wonderful to be able to decide for yourself when you’ll do things. Even little things. I love deciding when I’ll go to the grocery store and when I’ll clean the bathroom. When you’re in a relationship, even these minor events have to be coordinated with someone else. And, again, while that’s not bad, being able to make your own decisions about how you’ll spend your valuable time is even better.

2. Friendships

Know how when one of your friends gets into a relationship, she suddenly has less time to spend with you? And about 50% the time she does spend with you is spent talking about her new partner? That’s all well and good, but the flip side of it is when you’re single, you have more time to devote to maintaining healthy, platonic friendships.

3. Sleeping in the Middle

Okay, this is one that sometimes shows up on the self-mocking lists I mentioned earlier. But I promise this is one of the true perks of being single. Even the most pro-coupling people must admit: Having your own bed allows you to sleep well. You’ll never worry (consciously or unconsciously) about waking someone up. The only alarm going off in the morning will be your own. No one will snore, talk, or kick in their sleep, waking you throughout the night. No matter how you slice it, nothing is as restful as having a bed of your own.

{Almost there – keep going!}

4. Designing Your Own Space

Yes you can do this with a partner, but it’s so much fun to do it on your own! You can do absolutely whatever you want with your space. No compromising on an ugly wall color, no sacrificing your hobby room for theirs, no shared office spaces with clashing styles. You can bring every home decor pin on your Pinterest board to life. No matter how small your space is, it’s all yours. Do with it what you will.

5. Solitude

You’ve heard it before: being alone is not the same as being lonely. Solitude give us the necessary space to learn to truly love ourselves. If being alone makes you uncomfortable, don’t run away from it. Take up meditation, learn to be present and at peace with yourself. Even if being around others is what makes you feel alive, learning to love your own company is the vital foundation that allows all your other relationships to thrive.

6. Money

Ah, ever the uncomfortable topic. As you likely already know, one of the number one topics couples argue about is money. People have very deep-rooted and passionate beliefs about money. Money is intimately connected to one’s ability to earn a living, and to one day retire. So it’s no surprise that when finances are merged, friction ensues.

When you’re flying solo, you are in complete control of your money. Not only does this mean you’re not fighting with someone else, it’s totally empowering! When you can’t rely on anyone else to make the tough choices, you’ll find yourself rising to the challenge.

7. More time to do whatever you love

One thing that solo women have is time. Amazingly, this is so often framed as a negative by TV shows, romcoms, and society in general. You’ve seen the image of the poor, single woman sitting in her home, all alone, nothing on TV, nothing new to read, and no lover to talk to. Such sorrow.

No matter how extroverted or introverted you are, having time to spend as you please is a luxury. Don’t wish it away! If you want to interact with people, go out and do it. You’re not some pioneer woman alone on the prairie, desperate for her husband – the only other human she knows – to come home so she can have someone to communicate with. So don’t treat yourself as though you are.

And if you’re on the introverted side, you’re in luck. You don’t need to sacrifice your solitude to a romantic partner. I know there’s a long list of stuff you’d love to do in your spare time, and that list should not include “mope around wishing I had a partner.”

{Just a bit more…}

You can add on to this list for another several pages, and here’s how: Just ask yourself, “What’s something that married people say they miss about being single?” Whatever answer you get, that’s what you should be thankful for right now. Whether it’s having their own room, jumping in the car for a weekend getaway, or painting the kitchen without argument – enjoy that while you’ve got it. You might not fly solo forever, so cherish this life while it’s here.

{You made it – congrats! Claim your free course below!}

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I’ve written previously about dining solo and cooking for one, but recently I came across an important, related issue I’ve never addressed: the fuss.

The Drawbacks of Cooking for One

In his book Going Solo, Eric Klinenberg recounts the story of a single-by-choice woman named Ella. One of Ella’s greatest challenges in feeling content on her own was cooking. Klinenberg writes, “Though Ella has always liked cooking, at first it wasn’t easy to do without company. The elaborate process of planning, shopping, preparing, cooking, and eating felt strange and wasteful when she did it all solo.”

Because this issue isn’t uncommon, I’ve written about a few tips to help solo women enjoy cooking for one. And I take these tips to heart. But somewhere along the lines, I started shirking it off. It just got… tiresome. And kind of pointless.

Klineneberg goes on:

“Ella shared the sentiment that some nay-saying singles conveyed to the food writer and author Judith Jones: ‘I like to cook for others, to give my friends pleasure. Why would I want to go to all that trouble just for me?’ Gradually, however, Ella recognized that cooking for one required cultivating a special talent: the will and capacity to use her time, money, and creative energy to fulfill her own needs.”

The Necessity of Cooking for One

I won’t lie, I have a hard time with cooking. It’s not something I intrinsically enjoy. With two jobs, time is often an issue as well. However, with a rather restricted diet, eating prepared food every day simply isn’t an option. So to avoid monotony, breaking the bank, and consuming a boat load of preservatives, I buy the raw ingredients and cook my meals at home.

To make sure my evenings aren’t devoted entirely to cooking and cleaning, I normally spend part of my day off once per week cooking my meals for the next 5 days. I pull out all the pots, go through all the food preparation, cook, package it for lunches and dinners, and then clean up. It sometimes feels like it takes more time than is necessary, but it’s healthier than buying pre-packaged sides and a heck of a lot cheaper than buying vegan meals. So I do it.

Lately, however, it’s become a lot more of a necessary chore than an enjoyable, fun experience. Again, part of this is because cooking isn’t really my thing, but part of it goes back to what Ella said. For instance, I used to make a lovely eggplant parmigiana for myself. So tasty, so healthy, so vegetarian (veggie cheese, you know). It was the perfect treat. But when I realized how much time it took to produce just a few meals, I stopped. Time is money, after all. And I did not have some 90 minutes to devote to baking eggplant.

The Fuss in Cooking for One

After reading Ella’s revelation, however, I began to rethink it. If I were cooking for someone else on a regular basis, would I feed the same diet of carrots and potatoes every week, just because it was the most time efficient, diet-inclusive food I could make? No. They’d be getting some parmigiana. So why wasn’t I?

Honestly, I just didn’t feel like I was worth the fuss.

That’s not easy to admit, especially since I like to think of myself as a very modern spinster who practices good self-care. But it was the truth. I wasn’t making time for myself the way I’d make time for anyone else. In fact, I wasn’t even preparing loving food for myself the way I do when I have family or friends over. I just tossed those potatoes in the oven and spent the next twenty minutes resenting the clean up.

Meanwhile, my co-worker prepares a full breakfast and full dinner for her spouse and child every day, while balancing a 40+ hour per week job and going to the gym. She makes time for it because she recognizes the importance of it. And if she could make time to cook two full meals from scratch every day for her family, surely I could find it in me to cook a set of decent meals once per week for myself.

I think I’m worth that much fuss.

The Joy of Cooking for One

The tips in How to Enjoy Eating Alone are relevant and very helpful to this issue, but I realize now that without the right mindset, they’re hollow. No amount of planning, preparation, or presentation is going to justify the time and effort involved in cooking for one unless you feel like you’re worth it.

For me, there’s one simple trick that gets me in the right frame of mind every time. When I get ready to cook my meals for the week, I pretend – just for a few moments – that I’m getting ready to feed a friend for the week. I imagine my best friend is staying with me for the next five days, and I’m preparing her food in advance. It’s incredibly easy to get excited about scrubbing potatoes when envisioning the fun that I’ll have serving a warm meal of roasted veggies marinated in olive oil and sprinkled with rosemary to my dearest friend in the world.

Then, when I’m already smiling at the thought, I just remind myself that, oh yeah – that friend is me. And I am going to feel delighted when I come home to a home-cooked meal made especially for my tired, hungry, hard-working self.

But… Isn’t that a bit much? A bit silly? A bit too self-absorbed?

If this idea makes you feel awkward or self-conscious, or makes you worried that you’ll turn into a total self-absorbed jerk if you show yourself that much care and love, consider this:

The Buddha said, “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you, and you will not find that person anywhere. You, as much as anyone else in the universe, deserve your love and affection.” The least you can do is serve yourself a meal prepared with genuine love.

And listen, if cooking really isn’t your thing, then spend some time planning out your shopping list and making sure you buy ready-made meals that you like and will nourish your body. And for heaven’s sake, once it comes out of the microwave, put your food on a plate and make it pretty. You’re worth the fuss of washing a plate, aren’t you?

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Make 2018 the year you love being single.

One of the new products I said I’d be releasing in 2018 is my free email challenge: 30 Days to Love Being Single.

What is it?

This email course is a series of 30 emails (a new one is sent to your inbox each day after signing up) that will challenge you to grow as a single woman. Each email prompts you to take specific actions that will help you learn to love all that your solo life has to offer.

How Can I Be “Happy” About Being Alone?

Being single isn’t a waiting period. It’s a part of your life that you should be enjoying! Unfortunately, in the pro-coupling world we live in, that can be pretty difficult. How are you supposed to love being single when everyone around you is either pitying you or trying to set you up? How do you enjoy something that every sitcom and movie says is a problem to be overcome?

This free, 30-day course explains it all.

Why a 30 day course?

As the old saying goes, 30 days makes a habit. This course is designed to make enjoying your single life a habit – something you do every day without thinking. One new habit, one shift in thinking, one positive outlook you express each day, can truly change your life.

Why should I sign up?

Quite simply, you have nothing to lose and a happier life to gain. This email challenge is 100% FREE! That’s 30 days of free resources tailored to your situation. So if you’re single and not very happy about it, sign up now.

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Have you tried the challenge? What do you think so far? Let me know what you love and what didn’t work for you in the comments below.

 

Tired of reading self-mocking posts about how to best show your single-based, alcohol-drenched misery in the trendiest way? Interested in learning how you can actually enjoy Valentine’s day as a single woman? Read on…

1. Don’t Be S.A.D.

I’m still not entirely sure whether “Single’s Awareness Day” is a full joke or only a partial joke. Either way, its humor is self-effacing. Which is fine, sometimes. But listen. Being single isn’t an illness or disability, and it’s nothing to be S.A.D about. So ditch any invitations that include that lonesome title. Positive mindset, you know?

2. Take a Close Look at Valentine’s Day

I’ve honestly never liked this holiday, no matter what my relationship status was. It’s gaudy, tacky, and all that hot pink is kind of garish. The gifts are contrived, the expectations artificial, and as a result, the actions are pretty meaningless. True, some couples make a serious effort to inject some meaning into the greeting card holiday. But just ask yourself… what are you really missing out on from this particular holiday?

3. Make Plans

The most important thing you need to do is make some plans for February 14th. No matter what those plans are, know ahead of time what you’re doing. Having a few up-in-the-air ideas isn’t going to cut it; you’ll find you’re just not in the mood and end up slouched in front of the computer doing nothing in particular.

Whether you go out, stay in, hang with friends, or fly solo – make sure you’ve got a plan.

4. Record Your Thoughts

Part of why we don’t like going out alone is because we have no one to talk to. It feels lonely to get excited, have a revelation, or make an observation then have no way to share it. So this Valentine’s day, pick a way to share your thoughts.

If You’re Going Out: Let’s say you’re taking a trip to the aquarium. Record your self-guided tour and post the video on Youtube.

If You’re Staying In: Watching a movie? Write up a review, or use an app like Stardust to share your reactions.

There are plenty of people who want to hear your opinions, ideas, and responses to your experiences; the fact that they’re not physically present is no reason to deny them.

5. Forget the Heart-Shaped Box

Get yourself a treat, but don’t fall back on buying yourself chocolates in a heart-shaped box. Treat yourself to your favorite type of candy instead. Has it been years since you’ve had some Swedish Fish? Have you always loved candy dots? Instead of taking part in the empty Valentine’s ritual, give yourself something that will make you happy.

6. Don’t Fake It

If you aren’t happy about being single, don’t pretend you are. It’s okay to miss being in a relationship. What’s not okay is using your single status as an excuse to waste a perfectly good night rolling around in piles of your own self-pity. Because here’s a tip: if you can’t enjoy your own company, you’ll never be much good in a relationship.

So drop the bravado, drop the sad self-indulgence, and just enjoy the night.

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Living alone can be an empowering, exciting time in anyone’s life. If you aren’t loving your solo living situation, or if you’re dreading the day when you’ll move out on your own, this article was written for you.

How to Love Living Alone

It’s actually pretty simple to transform your outlook on your solo living situation. Just follow these few, simple steps…

1. Personalize Your Surroundings

It doesn’t matter whether you have a 6-month lease or a 40-year mortgage; if you want to love living alone, you’ve got to personalize your space. This step is so important that I wrote a mini eBook on the very topic: A Single Woman’s Guide to Creating Your Future Home Now.

It’s completely free, so go ahead and download it now!

2. Fall in Love with Your Space

Instead of wallowing in your ability to sit in the same set of jammies for days on end, take some genuine joy in your freedom to truly relax. Living alone is an opportunity that may never come your way again. If you get married or move in with someone in the future, no matter how happy you are, I guarantee you will look back on your solo life with fondness. So treat your bachelorette pad with all the love your future self will wish you had.

3. Find Your Comfort Level

One thing extroverted people often dislike about living alone is all the energy-sapping solitude. So if this is you, invite people over! Living alone doesn’t mean being alone at all times. Be proud of your home. Host get-togethers to show it off.

And of course, if you’re introverted, soak up the beautiful, restorative solitude.

4. Take Inspiration

Yaoyao Ma Van As has a beautiful series of illustrations depicting the happy life of a woman living alone. Check it out!

Final Notes

At the end of the day, when you walk into your solo home, you should feel like a warrior queen returning to your own castle after a long battle. This is your space. Even if you’re renting, you are the sole owner of all that’s within those walls. In the wide world we share, this space is dedicated entirely to you. What’s not to love?

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You’re a forward-thinking woman. You don’t let society’s customs dictate the way you live your life. So why should you worry about dressing up every day?

For most of my adult life, I’ve worked in service jobs that required a uniform. Sometimes the uniform was stupid-looking and uncomfortable. Sometimes not. Sometimes it was covered in chicken grease by the end of the day. Sometimes not. But no matter how I felt in a given uniform, on my days off, I was dressing the heck up.

As a former goth girl (and current ‘casual goth’ woman), I couldn’t wait to layer on the eyeshadow and don my very stylish, alternative, black clothes. I had only one or two days a week when I could dress as I wished, and you bet I made it count.

Professional vs. PJs

When I started working at home as a full time copywriter, however, I got a bit lazier. Though most of the time I did put clothes on (as opposed to sitting around in my jammies), I rarely put on any makeup. Or shoes. Or socks.

During this time, I always felt worried, like I was biting off more than I could chew. I felt like I was a mess, and no one should really be trusting me with their brand. This was despite holding a 4-year degree in writing, having years of experience, and a portfolio full of successes. Contrast this to my first weeks on the job as a bank teller. I had never worked in a bank (or anything similar) before in my life. There was really no reason I should have felt so confident. And yet I was. I felt in control again, as I had felt at previous jobs – with both high and low responsibility levels.

How Can Clothes Make Such a Difference?

Obviously I can’t place the entire answer on my clothes. But knowing what I do now, I am certain that that was a very large part of it. I didn’t feel like I was a pro at what I was doing (even though I was), largley because I didn’t even bother to look the part. When I started working at the bank, I bought a whole new wardrobe of professional attire, and wore it every day. Though I had no experience, I knew it was a job I’d be good at. And dressed to look the part, I felt good at it too.

Imogene Lamport, of Inside Out Style, has an excellent article explaining the effect clothes have on how we feel and behave, and I highly recommend it. (Click here to read her post: Why You Should Dress Well.) The jist of it is this: dressing well has a measurable psychological affect on us. Dressing ‘smart’ can make us not just feel smarter, but actually perform better. When what you wear on the outside matches who you are on the inside, you’re simply going to be a more confident person.

And let me be clear; dressing up doesn’t mean the same thing for everyone. It doesn’t even need to mean the same thing every day. If you’re not into makeup, don’t do makeup. If you love some goth girl clothes, wear those on your weekends. Just make sure you put time and effort into getting dressed. Above all, make sure you’re dressing like the person you are or want to be.

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