Love Your Solo Life

Why I Started the American Spinster

In 2015, I was feeling like a “leftover woman.” I seemed to want to completely separate things: to be independent and in control of my own life, as well as to be cherished as an important part of a community. Based on all I had seen throughout my life, those two things didn’t go together. As a child, I’d fantasized about living in a house with a few close friends in a platonic fairy tale. As an adult, I realized most people were focused on finding that perfect romantic partner.
I was dating someone who was equally independent (that is, they had no desire to live together or get married). And while that was also what part of me wanted, my co-workers and family kept asking what we were waiting for and why I was “settling” for someone who wouldn’t commit. I didn’t feel like I was settling. It seemed to me that I’d found the perfect relationship.
In the midst of my internal conflict, I looked for some resource online for seemingly strange people like me who wanted to be wanted and left alone. But what I found largely disappointed me. Articles about China’s “leftover women,” and countless advice columns on how to be the time of person men want to settle down with. There were a few staunchly pro-single blogs (some of which I liked), but none of them seemed to speak to what I was feeling.
So I decided to create a blog of my own as I sorted through my thoughts and feelings on the topic of being happily single and childfree.
I wrote about Living Apart Together (LAT). To show that are and have always been women following this path, I highlighted successful solo women in history, the present day, and in literature. And, when I thought I had something worth saying, I offered my insights, opinions, and advice.