Is a young woman in your life getting ready to strike out on her own? Here’s The American Spinster’s Top 5 list of best housewarming gifts for single women.
The Bachelorette Pad Housewarming Party?
In the world of the white picket fence, young adults get married, move into their first home, and receive housewarming gifts from their friends and loved ones. But today, more and more people are going solo; that is, deciding to live alone. What do we do then?
Why isn’t moving out on one’s own treated with the same congratulations and support as is moving in with a partner? Living solo is expensive, and single women living alone could use a little financial help in the form of some thoughtful housewarming gifts.
When I sat down to write this article, I thought, “Psh. Single women need the same things that married couples do!” But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there are a few important things to keep in mind when buying housewarming gifts for single women.
The last thing you want to do when you’re giving someone housewares is to decorate their home for them in a style they don’t like. One way to get around this is to take your solo woman to Pier 1 Imports, Rooms To Go or some store like that. Pay attention to what she seems to like. Of course, if you can, the best thing is to simply ask what they want. But if that’s not possible, try the following.
1. Security Bar
I’ve used this exact bar every day for the last 7 years, and I can’t recommend it enough.
After a maintenance worker let himself into my apartment while I was sitting at my computer in my robe, my dad bought me this Master Lock Security Bar. Even when someone has a key, this bar keeps the door securely in place.
This is great for anyone, but especially people living in a rental, or anywhere where someone else has a key. If you’re worried about your solo woman living on her own, give her this security bar.
Even if your solo friend or family member doesn’t really cook, she’ll still need a few pots and pans.
I don’t own this particular set from HÜLLR, but the one I have is very similar. It has two saucepans, two pots, two frying pans, plus measuring cups, pot holders, and all the basic cooking utensils. It’s also a pretty good deal at approximately $50.
While we’re talking about cookware, we might as well look at dining ware. When I moved out, I decided I didn’t want a set of dishes. I wanted a to scrounge my dining ware from thrift stores, making sure no two plate were the same. And while this boho aesthetic can be fun, it’s also pretty inconvenient. If I’d thought about how I was going to store and use these plates and bowls—all of various sizes and shapes—I’d have picked something a bit more uniform.
Knowing what I know now, I think this set from Better Homes and Gardens is just about perfect. I like this set because it’s not just a bland white but it’s not too stylized. It has a variety of colors in a fairly neutral design. Best of all, it’s something your single family member can easily add to later on.
And, of course, if she’s got something to cook with and eat on, she needs something to eat with. I love this economical flatware set because it’s neutral without being bland, and these utensils from Cambridge Silversmiths are pretty dang hardy.
Why are people so reluctant to give towels as housewarming gifts? If your single woman friend or relative doesn’t have a lot of extra cash, she’ll probably do what I did and get the economy towels on sale at Kohl’s for $2.99 a piece. And that’s fine. But if you want to give her something nice, get a luxury towel or two.
I don’t own a set of these Turkish towels, but I recently stayed with someone who did. And they are amazing. These are exactly the sort of housewarming gifts that thrifty single women won’t buy for themselves, but will absolutely love to use.
If you know what color she wants her bathroom to be, go with that. If not, get white or ivory to keep things neutral.
The solo woman’s bedroom is different from the coupled woman’s, or the would-be coupled woman’s for that matter. If you’re a footloose and fancy-free woman, here are five great tips to create your very own single woman’s bedroom.
What Makes a Single Woman’s Bedroom Different?
The goal of any bedroom is to facilitate a peaceful night’s sleep for the occupant or occupants. It’s also a place to rest and re-orient oneself. To a couple who shares a room, creating an ideal bedroom has to incorporate both of their needs in a way that doesn’t detract from either side. For the single woman… it’s all about you.
Step 1: Start sleeping in the middle of the bed.
Got stuff piled on one side of the bed? Move it. Today. That bed is for you, not your stuff. Even if you prefer to sleep near the edge, I promise, sleeping in a wide open bed is more comfortable than cramping yourself needlessly.
It’s also important psychologically. The influence of Feng Shui advises singles who are looking to meet their next partner to arrange everything as though another person were already sleeping there. That means keeping one side of the bed clear for your future lover. This is simply to get your mind (conscious and subconscious) oriented toward finding that person.
But for the happily single woman, you need to arrange everything for one, and for the same reason. If you want to love living alone, sleep like you do.
Step 2: Tailor your room to fit your needs.
This sounds obvious, but it’s easy to overlook. Most of the bedrooms we see in catalogs and on Pinterest are designed either to accommodate the needs of couples, or singles in a dorm room (i.e. temporary) style. Your grown-up, solo bedroom is neither.
What to avoid:
A couple’s bedroom needs to comfortably accommodate two people with different needs, while still looking cohesive. This is why you have “his and hers” night stands, a clear path to each side of the bed, and lots of empty space for ease of movement.
A dorm-style room is the type of place in which the bed also functions as a dining room table, office desk, living room sofa, and – of course – a place to sleep. The overall style could be called ‘eclectic,’ as if the owner was trying to cram a house’s worth of design elements into a single room.
While the dorm style may appeal to one’s wild and adventurous nature (with everything ready to pack up and go at a moment’s notice), your solo life needs a more substantial rest zone. The good news is you can still get that boho-chic feel in a grown-up bedroom, and without the restless, transient vibes. You can also achieve all the posh, photo shoot style that couples rooms have in a room for one. I promise.
So how do you make your solo bedroom fit your needs? Say goodbye to everything that’s aimed at a “his and hers” style. You don’t need two night side tables. This room is YOURS. You need a comfortable bed (that functions only as a bed), and a welcoming layout for one. It should be visually clear that one person sleeps here in all her queenly glory.
Step 3: Give your room a cohesive style.
As I said earlier, this isn’t your dorm room. Pick a theme or décor style and commit to it just as you would if you were designing your marriage suite or a nursery. Otherwise you’ll end up cheating yourself out of a magazine-worthy solo bedroom.
If you’re the type of person who loves looking at kids’ room themes on Pinterest, start looking for themes that you’d like for your room. And if what you really want is a Where The Wild Things Are bedroom theme, do it. You’re a grown up, and no one is the boss of you now. You can have whatever kind of bedroom you desire.
On the other hand, if what you want is a decadent, romantic theme, go for it. You don’t need a lover or a baby as an excuse to paint your room the way you like.
Step 4: Make it an oasis.
Remember that a bedroom is for sleeping and relaxing. Unless you’re in a studio apartment (in which case you should still have your bedroom separated somehow from the rest of your living/working space), you should leave everything work-related in another room. It’s easy for us singles to become lazy about this, because no one is going to catch us sitting on the bed with the laptop, snack in hand. But one of the key elements of a happily single woman’s bedroom is that you give it just as much respect as the couple’s room or nursery.
Step 5: Keep it clean.
I don’t mean to sound like your mother; this is genuinely important. It’s difficult to relax when surrounded by clutter. You’re also less likely to show off your room when there’s a pile of laundry at the foot of the bed. You want to be proud of your room when you have others over, and be calm in it when you’re alone. So before you clean the living room for company, clean the room that’s devoted to you. You deserve that level of respect, and your room deserves that kind of love.
Want to download the free checklist with all of these steps?
Have you re-created your bedroom to suit your solo tastes? Let me know in the comments how it went, or tell me if it’s something you plan to do!
Is your “Dream Home” Pinterest board languishing while you’re stuck in a studio apartment? Are you longing for the day when you’ll finally be able to create your ideal home in a spacious single-family home?
Spinsters, I have good news. There is only one step in between where you are now and living in your solo dream home. Are you ready for it?
Your one rule is:
Don’t wait.
You read that right. Quit waiting for a better home. The one you’re in is ready and waiting to be the bachelorette pad of your dreams.
Decorate. Show off your possessions. It doesn’t matter if you only have a six-month lease. This is your home we’re talking about. Live there. It may seem like really simple advice, but it makes all the difference, and so few people seem to do it. They move their furniture in, maybe hang up a single poster, but that’s it.
Single women waste years of their lives looking at blank walls because they feel like they need to wait for a ‘real’ house before they fall in love with their space. Don’t wish away the space you’re in – make it count. If you’ve got a one-room apartment, make it the most happening, chic loft in town.
But my landlord is really strict!
If you’re afraid of losing your security deposit or violating the terms of your lease, relax. There are plenty of ways for renters to safely add their own style to their home. For instance:
Buy wall stickers (they’re often available at the dollar store).
Frame and hang some pictures.
Go to Habitat for Humanity and find some cheap, good-looking furniture.
Put up curtains. Make them, or buy them from the thrift store. Nothing improves the look of a room faster.
Just. Don’t. Wait.
The important thing is that you don’t wait. Don’t wait for your next apartment, or your first house. You have your very own space, and that’s a true gift. Use it. Make your home somewhere you want to be. Go through your Pinterest “Dream House” board and put some of those ideas into action. Whatever you do, just don’t put it off. Six months turns into a year, and a year turns into five before you realize it. Don’t waste a single week living in what might as well be a hospital room.
Your home doesn’t need to look like a Pottery Barn catalog, it just needs to welcome you. You have permission to create your solo dream home now. You’re an adult, living in your own space. Make it your home.
Are you ready to get started on your solo dream home?
Download The American Spinster’s free mini ebook filled with tips, tricks, and inspiration!
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I’ve written peripherally about this before, but today I want to devote an entire post to this novel idea. So here it is: You should enjoy your home.
Groundbreaking, isn’t it?
I know it’s not a new idea, but it’s something that people say they do, or want to do, and never actually do. Unless you’ve already paid off your mortgage or bought your home outright, you’re paying probably a large portion of your income to live in your home, and you’re probably not getting your money’s worth. Even if you’re not paying much for the roof over your head, it’s still your respite from the world. It should be a place you absolutely love to be.
Part I: Defining a Happy Home
There are three things you should be able to say about your living space.
1. Your home should be comfortable.
You have a workplace (unless you work from/at home) in which to be uncomfortable. Even if it’s not obvious, stepping into an uncomfortable home environment can really sap the life out of you. This needs to be a welcoming place.
2. It should be restful.
There’s nothing wrong with having a game room (sounds pretty good, actually), but there should be a place in your home where you can relax, whatever relaxing means for you.
3. It should be private.
Sometimes there’s not much you can do about this if you have roommates, but your home should be a place where you can be alone if you want to. That means you have control over the boundaries; no one can show up and enter your home if you don’t want them to.
So how do you get this?
Part II: Creating a Happy Home
How do you create a comfortable, restful, private living environment?
Keep it clean
When I say this, I mean whatever “clean” means to you. If you’re comfortable with a bit of clutter, fine. If you need every last corner to be truly spotless, okay. Mess makes people uncomfortable, so it’s important to keep your home at the level of cleanliness that works for you. I don’t mind visible stacks of papers or collectibles lining the walls of my home. But my stress level rises, however slightly, when dishes pile up or the floor isn’t clear and vacuumed. Determine what your comfort level of cleanliness is, and make time to keep your home at that level.
Keep it energizing.
Again, this can mean very different things for different people. For me, I like quiet. Loud music, background TV, or a howling cat take away from my peace. You might like a more active environment, spending time on the Wii, having friends over, or turning up the volume on a favorite album. Whatever re-energizes you after a long day.
Maintain your boundaries
As I mentioned earlier, this can be difficult when you have roommates, but even then it shouldn’t be impossible to have some control over the comings and goings in your home.
Without Roommates:
If you’re the only inhabitant, this might mean learning to say “no,” which is not an easy task. From our earliest time as humans, our dwellings have been to keep us safe from the outside world, whether from the elements or predators. Today, it might not be a raging tiger after your life, but a raging human being after your peace of mind. You have the right to tell someone that now is not a good time. In fact, you have the right to tell anyone not to come around ever again.
Most of the time, however, this just involves saying, “I’ve got a lot of work to do here at home tonight. How about another time?” And that’s not a lie. Your work happens to be letting yourself get some rest, which is vital to your well-being.
With Roommates:
If you have roommates, offer them a mutually-beneficial agreement regarding guests. This might be that no one has guests over without first telling/asking the other housemate(s). Or it might mean you set up visiting hours. From 5-8 each day, you know you might have other people in your home, but after that, they have to leave. Most people will understand that roommates work different hours, and will respect this arrangement.
At The End of the Day
One of the best parts about being single is having total control over your own space, however big or small it is. The steps listed in this post will help you establish your home. If you want to learn how to transform your current residence into your dream home, see Part II here.
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Since the previous blogs covered finding an apartment, home safety seemed like the next best logical step.
I’ve heard a lot of people talk about feeling unsafe when they’re at home alone. This is rarely a problem for me, but the first few nights in a new place are always the exception. Still, I don’t lose any sleep. Why not? I know I’m as safe as I can be. The best way to feel safe when you live alone, is to be safe.
Doors
If you live in an apartment or rental house, you probably aren’t allowed to change the locks, but you can still make sure that those who have a key can’t enter without your permission. Products such as a door brace are 100% temporary ways to prevent anyone from getting inside, with or without a key.
Why do you need to prevent key holders from getting inside? I’m not paranoid when I say you can’t depend on your apartment managers to do a good job screening their employees. When you live alone, your safety is in your hands. An unscrupulous maintenance person can easily make copies of keys to use for unlawful purposes, so it’s always better to be safe.
Aside from intentional malice, some maintenance workers just won’t respect your privacy that much. I’ve once had someone just unlock and open the door to my apartment, ironically to drop off a replacement key. He meant no harm, but I was very taken aback, especially since I wasn’t dressed.
If you are living someplace where you can make permanent modifications, consider getting a door club or bar restraint. Windows and Back Door
Again, if you’re renting, permanent security measures may not be an option, and even if they are, iron bars aren’t the most attractive window treatment. A simple security bar will prevent anyone from opening a sliding window or glass door.
Other Measures
Keep your phone by your bed, in case you need to call for help
Lock your doors whenever you go out, even if it’s only for a few minutes.
Do a quick check whenever you return home, to make sure no security measures are out of place
When you know you’re safe, you’ll feel safe. For the first few nights in your new place, it may help to check the closets, behind the shower curtain, and other areas before bed. So what if you feel silly? You owe yourself a sound night’s sleep.
In keeping with the recent theme of renting an apartment, I thought I’d add a few words about renting versus buying – in the spiritual sense.
You know that Dido song, “Life for Rent?”
I always thought that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone and live most simply.
I have no idea what’s happened to that dream
Cause there’s really nothing left here to stop me.
If we spinsters had a theme song, I’m pretty sure that would be it.
What we get from TV, movies, and the stories of our friends and family, is that life as an adult really beings when that special someone settles down with us, we buy that house, and start “living the dream.”
So, for many of us who aren’t married and living in the house with the picket fence, where we are in life may feel like a hallway we’re meandering down, looking for the right door. Or, as Dido might put it, a rental house preceding the dream house.
Believe me when I tell you there has never been a better time to buy. And the great part is that owning your life is nowhere near as stressful, costly, or risky as buying a house. But it might be just as scary. Maybe more.
What do I mean by this whole buy/rent analogy? When you buy a home, you can put nails in the walls, change the carpet, paint, put in a garden, even add some new rooms or knock some old walls down. In short, you can remake it according to your own dreams. You’re also investing in it. You put money into it, knowing that the improvements you make will increase its value. And that’s exactly what you do to your life when you own it.
People who pay rent on their lives don’t turn them into something that makes them happy.
If my life is for rent
And I don’t learn to buy
I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause nothing I have is truly mine.
Go ahead. Renovate that neglected warehouse you’ve been living in.
For instance, when I was little, my parents owned the house that we lived in. It was their first home together. They painted the kitchen, built a back deck, and even put in a window over looking the back yard. They created beautiful landscaping, and I even got to paint my room.
Then they lost that house. We moved into a rental (and then another, and another). There were no more gardens, no landscaping, no renovations. No room was ever painted, not a single picture hung on the walls, nothing that would indicated we had any plans to stay.
And I get it. My parents had loved and lost, and didn’t want to lose again.
When I moved out and got my first apartment, however, I decked that place out like I had a 40-year mortgage. I only lived there for a year, and it was kind of a pain to have to repack everything. But I’ve never once regretted it. Living with all my things in boxes, indefinitely, is no way to live.
Your life circumstances may change dramatically in the future. You may break up with the love of your life, find the love of your life, or lose the career you’ve always wanted. But this is the only life you’ve got, so you’ve got to own it. And look, just because you paint the kitchen green doesn’t mean you can’t paint over it later. It’s your life. You can re-decorate as many times as you like.
Enjoy every wonderful moment of your spinster life, because in a few years, you may be somewhere completely different. But, no matter what, don’t wait for that new set of circumstances to arrive before you buy your life.
Buy it. Redecorate it. Make it yours. Make it somewhere you love to be.
Last week I talked about 6 things to look at while surveying your apartment options. This week we’ll go over what to do when you’ve narrowed your list down to a few places.
Looks idyllic from the outside…
First, you’ll want to call the offices of your top picks, ask if they’re accepting new leasers, and – if they are – schedule an appointment to discuss your application and view a unit. Make sure you can sit down and talk to someone and see the inside of an apartment before you submit an application. It’s a good idea to bring a friend along when you go, for safety and as an extra set of eyes.
When you’re at the meeting, ask questions. Lots of questions. Even if you think you’re being annoying. Some import ones are:
Do you change locks between tenants?
How long do tenants usually stay?
What are the most common complaints from tenants?
What are the maintenance policies? Will they cover repairs on provided appliances without a fee?
Who should you contact if you encounter a problem?
If you want, you can also ask about the age of appliances and how frequently the carpets are replaced.
At this stage, you want to be an apartment complex’s harshest critic.
Could it be love?
Look at other units to see how residents tend to live. Are balconies and doorways clean and trim, or litter-strewn? Also pay attention to the lawn maintenance. Is it overgrown or does it look regularly maintained? Is the area well lit with street lights and parking lot lights? Is it the sort of place you’d feel safe walking through at night? As I mentioned in the last post, it’s also a good idea to drive by the complex during different hours of the day to see what the activity is like.
If you’re the sociable type, definitely try to chat with some of the current residents about what life is like there.
If you like the place, it seems safe, and everything financial seems on the up and up, and your friend hasn’t found anything to worry about, go ahead and apply.
So it’s time to move out. Or at least, you want it to be time. Deciding on a place to live can be overwhelming. You don’t want to settle for the first empty unit in Cracktown, but you also don’t want to blow your monthly income on what appears to be the only safe place in town. You may have also heard stories about people getting swindled by shady apartment managers.
How do people do it?
So many options…
First, research your options. Look at every apartment complex in your city (or the city you plan to live in). Go to their website (if they don’t have a website in this day and age, be wary). As you’re looking, make note of the following:
Floor plan options and their prices
Location
Application Fees
Lease Terms
Pet Rules (even if you don’t have one, it’s good to know how the apartment managers view them
Income Requirements
Floor Plans
Most apartment complexes have a few different floor plans at different price points. Make a list of the square footage or other important features (such as whether they have patios/balconies, how many entrances, etc), as well as the monthly rent.
Location
How’s the neighborhood?
The biggest concerns with the location are crime and noise. Use a website like Crime Reports to see the crime rate of an area. It’s also a good idea, if you’re able, to drive through the complex at different times of the day, to get an idea of the neighborhood. Are people partying? Are their kids bicycling around? Drug deals (seriously, learn to spot this). The distance from your job is, of course, another factor when looking at locations.
Application Fees
Most places will require an application fee from you. Generally this is just to cover the cost of a background check and to ensure that uninterested parties don’t waste their time. But do be careful; if the application fee is unusually high, and they won’t tell you whether or not there’s a unit available, you might be out the fee and have nothing to show for it.
Lease Terms
What kinds of leases do they offer? Generally, a 6 month or month-to-month lease will cost more per month than a full year lease. Also find out what their policies are should you have to break your lease.
Pet Rules If you have a pet, it’s important that you know whether or not they’re allowed, the rules if they are allowed, and how much extra it’ll cost you. Most places charge an additional fee, additional monthly rent, or both. If you’re thinking about sneaking a pet in, consider that – at some places – that’s considered a violation of the lease, and if you’re caught, you could be evicted or owe a hefty fine.
Income Requirements
Virtually all apartment complexes will require proof of income, and you generally need to prove you make 3 or 3.5 times your monthly rent. If you’re like me, this sounds crazy, because rent will be by far the biggest drain on your income. Some places will take your savings into account, or may cut you a break if you can show them that you’re non-rent expenses are minimal, and your employment status is stable.
Paying close attention to these 6 items can save you a lot of time and narrow your options to the ones that’ll suit you best.
Next week’s Part II will go over what to do once you’ve found the place you want.
. Even when someone has a key, this bar keeps the door securely in place.
is just about perfect. I like this set because it’s not just a bland white but it’s not too stylized. It has a variety of colors in a fairly neutral design. Best of all, it’s something your single family member can easily add to later on.
